so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
