I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
