wakey wakey hands off snakey
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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