He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
