Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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