Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
