Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God, I missed his penis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
