Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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