dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
