Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
