I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
