just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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