and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
