after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize