When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
