Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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