i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize