The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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