Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
