tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
