i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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