yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
