Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't deserve a penis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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