He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
