This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
