mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
