It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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