i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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