Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
