I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
