So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize