Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
