Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So many bounce houses so little time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
