and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just high enough for therapy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
