I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
