I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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