Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
