i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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