wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
