her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What a dumb baby whore.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
