Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
