I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
