so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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