Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize