if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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