Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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