New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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