also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize