you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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