Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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