I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
