just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
