I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
