4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
