I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
