Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
