Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
