i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
