i think my tv is drunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You are a genius and a whore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
