Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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