the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
