coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
