dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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