is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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