My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
